Your twenties can be a terrifying time, there’s the career dragon breathing down your neck, an expanding student loan and a minefield of a personal life to deal with. And that’s just your average Tuesday. The Fear has recently begun to sneak in, uninvited and unprovoked. Here’s ten things that terrify me in my current lack of having of my sh*t together.
Not being financially savvy is cute and endearing in your twenties, right? I got this wrong, I personally blame Jennifer Aniston in ‘Along Came Polly’ but my mother says I should begin to take more financial responsibility so I’ve had to stop saying that recently. Bloody Polly, being a bohemian with a ferret is far more challenging that she makes out in that film.
Banks scare the bejesus out of me, the chains(on the pens), the bullet proof glass(perhaps just normal glass) and the separate cells for scolding and probing why you spent your loan repayment on shoes… It’s all just rather unpleasant. As soon as I hit the little green enter button the anxiety begins, they’re going to know I bought McDonalds 4 times on contactless this month, they knooooww. If the Bank was a boyfriend they’d be the clingy, controlling kind, asking why you thought it was necessary to shop the ASOS sale with your overdraft. Maybe this relationship can be saved, maybe we’ll buy a house together someday, but for now, its a nerve racking but mostly unavoidable place of woeship(see what I did).
2. The Future in General
Will I have a successful career? Will I be a mother? Will I need Botox?
All frightening concepts, all very much in the hands of fate. Although I am fully aware I can’t control these scenarios I will continue my irrational worrying about them nonetheless.
Yes, a biggie. But unemployment is a pretty scary thing facing us in our twenties, its not like we can bounce back on our savings or depend on our fabulous husbands(although this would be nice, applications for rich husband can be filed ASAP). Unemployment means moving home to Mum, Dad and our Leaving Cert notes. It makes me feel like my tummy might fall out my butt and I feel for anyone who’s going through it.
Fear Of Missing Out haunts me, every Friday night and beyond. I don’t want to suddenly wake up one day and realise everyone was getting their sh*t together while I stayed home and watched New Girl. I MUST be informed of everyone’s life status and weekend plans to soften any FOMO that sneaks up on me.
When I was seventeen Hangovers seemed like something Adults had made up to discourage underage princesses like me from over indulging. This, and perhaps my choice to wear an ‘on trend’ poncho Xmas 06′ is the biggest lie I ever told myself. It’s like Karma heard me think that, LOL’d, and punished me. Hangovers are now a 24 hour event, with small glimmers of hope being dashed by the smell of vodka in my hair.
6. Disappointing My Parents
It’s like clubbing baby seals. Don’t do it. Ever. Hide all evidence pointing to lack of maturity, general lack of calorie control and most definitely hide the back statements.
Anyone else a bit nervy about this? Because I am freaking out, we’re talking sleepless nights, bookmarking the ‘Death’ page on Wikipedia and countless visits to graveyards. Death spooks me, with every passing minute it’s coming closer… That’s morbid I know, but it’s been a serious fear that I didn’t have in my pre-twenties ‘I’m Gonna Live Forever’ Avril Lavine eye liner phase. I’d like to return this gift of ageing. Thank you.
8. Spiders, Snakes and Bugs in General
This needs no explanation, I’m judging you for even expecting one.
9. My Total Lack Of Culture
I’d like to add my total lack of desire to even want to be cultured to this topic too. It’s quite unsettling to realise I’ll never love Opera, be able to understand Art or want a Life Time Membership to anything other than Disney Land. I tried to improve this fear by introducing red wine to my life, I made sangria and danced to Taylor Swift. Case closed.
10. Having To Make Lists Of Things That Scare Me
Surely an adult human can just condense this into a healthy conversation; with her friends over coffee, at a hip NYC hangout, wearing Manolos… You know what, never mind. I’ll stick with the lists.